I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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