Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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