He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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