u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I understand Curling. That high.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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