Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
