At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
