he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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