You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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