capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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