Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
