You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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