Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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