its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
