well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
