I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
