You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
