I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
