I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
