I only kidnapped one of them. chill
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize