I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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