I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
