two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
