My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
