theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize