He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
