I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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