Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
