I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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