Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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