my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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