And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
