i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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