im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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