Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
