she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize