She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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