I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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