My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
