I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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