Just fell off a train. Bad.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
