so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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