he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
