A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
