In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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