Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
