yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fuck appropriateness.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize