Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
