genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
