we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
