Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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