It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
