normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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