Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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