its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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