My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
