Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
