Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
