My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
