i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
