I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
