Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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