I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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