Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
