Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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