i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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