I seem to have left my pride at pride
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize