That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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