Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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