you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
