the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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